Isn't it amazing how God can open our eyes to a portion of scripture, a portion that we need to remember and submit to, a portion we may have forgotten how important it is to our lives as Christian wives?
This past weekend, a situation arose that I did not want to give in to. My poor husband knew, that I was in direct opposition with a decision he had made, and I let him know, without even speaking a word. It wasn't even that big of a deal, but in my stubbornness, I wanted my way, and didn't want to give an ounce of myself to the situation that arose. I quickly let anger take control of my heart, yes my flesh responded and not the Spirit.
This past weekend, a situation arose that I did not want to give in to. My poor husband knew, that I was in direct opposition with a decision he had made, and I let him know, without even speaking a word. It wasn't even that big of a deal, but in my stubbornness, I wanted my way, and didn't want to give an ounce of myself to the situation that arose. I quickly let anger take control of my heart, yes my flesh responded and not the Spirit.
Poor Mr. C had no idea why I was in such a tiz. A situation arose, that even he was not completely in control of, but he was trying to make the best of it, and he really needed my help and support. I had to go along, but on the inside, I was fuming making my poor husband feel so confused. I didn't want my day interrupted, we had it all planned out, how could things take such a strange turn??? I blamed my husband, not even knowing the full details.
The tension got even worse before going to bed, after trying to communicate and explain away my poor behavior. Apologies were given, but they weren't completely sincere on my part. I even had to get back up, after going to bed, and spent a little "poor me" time in prayer, laying all my husband's faults before the Lord, and begging Him to deal with his heart, asking Him to show Mr. C how badly he needed to change. Oh what a foolish woman I am. I went back to bed, not completely content, but I did manage to get a little sleep somehow.
Father's Day!!!
The next morning was "Father's Day", and previous to this whole mixed up Saturday, our daughters had planned a really good meal for their Daddy, and were going to need help with it. When I first awoke, I had made up my mind, "this is just going to be too difficult,
they can go to church with their Daddy, and I'll just stay here and cook and have things
ready for when they get back". Pride was the root of this thought, as it was later revealed.
Isn't it good that our Lord knows what's best for us, even when we don't?
I prepared my little breakfast, and sat down at the dining room table to read my Bible, before starting my day. I was compelled to turn to Titus 2. This portion, from verse 5, is what woke up my dull heart, and I want to share how it reads in the Amplified Bible- "To be self-controlled, chaste, homemakers, good-natured (kindhearted), adapting and subordinating themselves to their husbands, that the word of God may not be exposed to reproach (blasphemed or discredited)". Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!!!
Isn't it amazing how powerful that two-edged sword can be?
Exposing our inner thoughts, actions, our disobedience?
No self-control on my part, I let the anger fly inside my heart, and communicated it with a stern look and short answers to anything my husband asked!
Good-natured? Kindhearted? Um, those words could not describe my heart at all
the day before, nor the few moments before approaching the scripture.
I was reading in the New King James version, and this portion in ch. 5, reads like this-
". . .good, obedient to their own husbands".
I did not in any way, want to obey my husband in this simple request.
The person we were dealing with is someone who at times, can be difficult to deal with. And in my mind, because this person had so rudely suggested something, and sort of dumped himself and his family into our schedule at that moment, "I" wanted to resist. Mr. C was powerless, things happened so quickly, and he needed help. "I" did not want to help. Mr. C's help-meet wanted to bail out when he really needed me. These people needed kindness, "I" did not feel like being kind. These people needed hospitality, and "I" did not feel like being hospitable.
I, I, I...you see where my heart was? The truth of the matter-the plain ugly truth- I was more concerned with the fact that my dishes were not done, my house was not in order for company, and I just didn't feel like having company at that particular moment.
A temporal NOTHINGNESS in light of the spiritual need that these particular people have.
And I had the audacity the night before, to ask God to deal with my husband's heart.
Foolish, foolish woman that I am.
Like I previously said- thankfully God knows what's best for us, when we do not. My heart had been split open by these truths, and I could not ignore what I read.
OH, how could the Lord love me? How can He have so much patience with me? How on earth could He love someone so stubborn as me? Thank goodness His love is not dependent upon anything He finds in us, there is nothing lovable about us sinful creatures, there is nothing good in us that deserves His love and care, BUT He chooses to love the unlovable.
And I am so thankful that He does. He truly is the Potter and I am nothing but clay...
in need of His shaping and molding.
How can it be, that I can be so selfish? One who has experienced the grace of God, one who knows what it means to be fully forgiven for all of my trespasses and sins? One who knows what it means to not be a slave to sin? One who has experienced God's eternal mercy, grace, forgiveness, love, peace, and hope? The very people who God sent our way that day are in need of knowing these truths, and I missed an opportunity, because my flesh ruled in that situation, and not the love of Christ. I can only hope and pray, that if and when, the next time God sends them our way, that I do not blow it and forget what my main purpose in life is
as a servant of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
Thankfully, God softened my hardened heart with His truth, and gave me the courage to go and speak to my dear husband before the day went any further. This time my apology was completely sincere, and I placed all the blame where it needed to be, upon my stubborn heart.
Restoration came quickly, no more blame, no more anger,
nothing between us, but sincere love, our Father's love.
After that, the morning went extremely smooth. The girls and I were able to prepare everything that needed to be done for the special lunch they wanted to honor their Daddy with, so there was no reason for me to stay behind.
We were all able to attend worship together, and what do you know? The sermon was just what I needed. So many things that our pastor taught yesterday morning, helped to confirm and cement the things God had already been showing me earlier that morning. Isn't that just like God? He IS faithful to complete what He begins in us.
This post is meant to be a memorial for me. That I do not forget the important lessons God taught me, and will continue to teach me in His word. It's all about Him, His purpose, His plans, it's not about me and my measly wants, desires, and plans.
I want to end with this verse, that our pastor gave yesterday, because it is a precious reminder from Jesus Himself, and I love what it is saying to us.
Mark 4:24 (Amplified Bible)
24And He said to them, Be careful what you are hearing. The measure [a][of thought and study] you give [to [b]the truth you hear] will be the measure [c][of virtue and knowledge] that comes back to you--and more [besides] will be given to you who hear.
24And He said to them, Be careful what you are hearing. The measure [a][of thought and study] you give [to [b]the truth you hear] will be the measure [c][of virtue and knowledge] that comes back to you--and more [besides] will be given to you who hear.
I want my heart to be ready and open, to receive the truths that I need, in order to continue to grow in His grace and love. And this promise, more will be given to those who do hear. I want more of the TRUTH He has for me, to help me, because I am reminded too often how weak I am, and how much my flesh rules when it shouldn't. Only His truth satisfies and heals, only His truth can break my stubborn heart and cause it to submit to His glorious ways.
Thank you Heavenly Father, for showing me my need!!! I love you and I pray you continue to expose those areas in my life, that are in need of your Light. In Christ Jesus, amen.
