I've been praying for him, and he has been on my mind so much after our recent visit.
For some of us, once some of us are adults and out of the house, I think it's too easy for some of us to look back at our parents and their parenting and concentrate on too much of what they didn't do right.
My siblings and I have done our fair share of going over our childhood with a fine tooth comb. Examining, questioning, talking, talking, talking...too many words wasted I'm ashamed to admit, on issues that none of us can change. This is what we were dealt with, we can't change it, but we can learn from it.
Our Papa was raised by a mother who was domineering. She did not respect her husband as the head of her home, and treated my poor Grandpa like a child instead of a man. My poor Grandpa had been beaten down by her, and he had given up long before I was ever born, to lead his home as God intended. The fruit of that breakdown in their home, affected each of their children in different ways. And each one of their 4 children has battled some form of depression during their lives. My poor Papa has had to deal with one of the most severe forms of depression(in my opinion), bi-polar disorder.
And so growing up with a parent who suffers from bi-polar, you don't really know what normal is. Because you love this person, you accept all that they have to offer, especially when they are your parent. At the moment when you are in the day to day with this person, you never know that something's not right, until you're older and find out not everyone's Daddy sleeps most of his days away in the winter. Because of his type of work, it was seasonal, and so the busy times were never in winter, so to a child, it just seems that Daddy doesn't have anything to do, so he...sleeps.
It wasn't until after I graduated from high school, that Papa was finally diagnosed with bi-polar disorder. And the proper treatment was given. Bi-polar stems from a chemical imbalance in the brain. And medications can help to keep the proper balance, that is if the patient is willing to take their meds like they are supposed to. His bi-polar became more severe after I left home, and his desire to experience the highs caused him to not take his medicine like he should. They feel so good when they go into the manic phase of this disease, and it's easy for them to become addicted to those wonderful, euphoric feelings. It's the extreme opposite of the down side of this disease, which my father has described as a pit, that is so dark you cannot ever imagine being able to come out of it.
There were different situations(other than the sleeping for days in the winter) that made it clear at times that something wasn't just right, but we just didn't know to look for answers. When a Christian suffers from bi-polar it's even harder to distinguish that something is wrong, because some of the odd decisions this person makes, are able to be presented in the fact that they believe God told them to do certain things. For instance, the many moves we made as a family during our school years. Papa knew, this was what God wanted for our family, so he would uproot us, and we would move to wherever it was he believed God had told him we were to go.
The hardest thing to do, after finding out just what was wrong with Papa all those years, is to not sit and point out all of the wrong things that he did. A lot of things that he did and said were the result of a brain not functioning properly, and he at times did say some very hurtful things to the people in his life. Most of those times can be traced back to his "high" times, or manic days. Manic depression is the same as bi-polar. They are up and down., on a roller coaster. Flying high and free during the manic phase, and other times not even able to get out of bed when the depression stage hits. (I must note, in between are very normal days and we were blessed with a lot of those.)
I have to admit, that for some reason I can't explain, I seem to have been protected from a lot. My other siblings have very sad memories of things that he said directly to them in the past, and they have a hard time separating the disease from the person. A lot of hurt feelings have been nursed over the years, and healing has not been found for some of them. The worst part is, that since no one talks to my Papa much about those times, he has no idea of the hurt he caused, and doesn't really know that's why some people choose to keep a safe distance.
The past few years, God has helped me to not concentrate on what was wrong with our family, but what was right. And just recently God brought back some very precious memories, of a few instances where my Papa did step up and do what he knew was right when it came to being my Daddy during my teen years.
Young girls need their father's protection, and I am so thankful that Papa stepped out of his comfort zone and gave me instruction and guidance where it was needed, when it was needed.
One day a friend and I each bought a teen magazine at Walgreens. It was packed full of pictures of the cutest movie and tv stars of that time. I took mine, and cut out each picture and taped them to the walls of my bedroom. By the time I was done, Scott Baio, Leif Garret, Ralph Macchio, Matt Dillon, and others' faces were plastered to my walls. I thought I liked my new decor.
When my Dad got home from work that night, he happened to walk by my bedroom and saw what I had done. He called me to my room, and told me to take down all of those pictures. He was protecting me from the lust of the eye. He knew, this wasn't right, to let this take root in the heart of a young girl, I was naive and needed guidance. He stepped in when I needed it most.
A few years down the road, my younger sister and I were getting ready to leave the house. He stopped us at the door and asked us what we were doing? We told him we were going to the movie with friends. Normally he would just let us go. But this time he asked us what movie we were going to see. We told him, it was some John Travolta movie, not Saturday Night Fever, something released after that, I can't remember the name. But he told us- "no...", he did not want us to go see that movie. We'd have to pick something better. Once again he stepped up and protected his daughters from making a bad decision.
Those weren't the only two times that he ever gave me instruction or guidance. But the reason that those two moments stand out glaringly to me right now, is that in this day and age there seems to be such a huge lack of men who know they are to protect their young daughters from lust. There are mobs of young ladies (and even their moms) running to watch certain movies that are just so popular, and what you hear people saying over and over is, "there's no sex...I don't have a problem w/ my daughter watching this because none of the characters are having sex." But what they don't discuss is the level of lusting that girls are being thrust into through this movie series. And we all know what Jesus says about lust of the heart, right? It's the same as what, according to Jesus??? Adultery. So, why aren't the Christian daddy's protecting their daughters, teaching them the right way to view young men? It breaks my heart to see so many Christians caving into the culture around us.
And so when my own husband gives our daughters direction for their lives, and teaches them how to guard their hearts and minds, my own mind goes back to my teen years and those times when my Daddy did what was right. For some reason it meant more coming from Dad. He knew something that I didn't and he protected me. I am so extremely thankful for that.
None of us grew up in perfect homes with perfect parents. But why waste time dwelling on what was wrong? Why not ask God to show us what was right, and help us to remember and hang on to those times that were good?
In the midst of a very troubling disease, God did help us, and He did protect us. And thankfully he gave my Dad opportunities to shine and be what God called him to be for his families' sake.
I've realized the importance of what scripture tells us in Phillipians 4:8-
"... whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things [are] honest, whatsoever things [are] just, whatsoever things [are] pure, whatsoever things [are] lovely, whatsoever things [are] of good report; if [there be] any virtue, and if [there be] any praise, think on these things."I have made it a habit to share with him, that I do remember what he did right. He has too much time on his hands these days, and he sits there in his chair reviewing his life with so much regret. I've tried to make a point to bring up good memories when talking with him.
Helping him to see those things, beautiful times, and the memories that he has forgotten.
Because he most certainly did do a lot of things right, thanks be to God.
